Promises

Are u waiting for God to answer a prayer? May be u are dealing with a situation that hurts a lot or simply confuse u, and u wish God would hurry up the answer. U know he is powerful and believe he can do anything. So why hasn't he met ur need?

That is the reason why I have not update my blog. Why? Because I didn't get answer, so I have give up trusting in Him. I am sick of waiting and I can do it without His help! Totally stop praying and read His words. In the end, I was exhausted and feeling down. But God didn't give up on me, which I happens to read this verse unwillingly.......

John 11:4, 14-15. Mary and Martha knew the pain of feeling let down by Jesus. They and their brother, Lazarus, were close friends of Jesus, so when Lazarus grew deathly ill, the sisters naturally thought of Jesus. They knew he could heal Lazarus and make their family whole again. So they sent for him. And they waited. And waited...... Just like how i waited.......

Confusion, hurt, and may be even panic set in as they watched Lazarus get sicker. Where was Jesus when they needed him most? Finally, they watched Lazarus die, and they went through the long process of burying and mourning their brother.

Jesus knew Mary and Martha trusted him to heal Lazarus, but he had bigger lessons for them: Did they trust him to heal their pain? And, most importantly, did they want Jesus to be glorified above all, in all situations?

I am just like them, Mary and Martha, as I learn to trust him more, he will show me more and more of his glory. Though now I still struggling whether to surrender and wait patiently or just go on my own ways again. It's hard, painful, lonely....... But this is how God works. All I can do now is have faith in Him. At the same time I need supports, helps & encouragement from others. I hope I will continue have this, never give up strength......

Who am I?

Wat of me, dear Lord?
Are u pleased? Wat did u see?
I am sorry tat I have to ask, wishing I knew without asking.
Fear, I suppose, make me doubt. Still, I yearn to hear from u - a word, or image, a name or even jus a glance from u.

My wound......

I jus read one book saying: - unforgiveness and bitterness can wreck our lives and the lives of others (Eph 4:31, Heb 12:15). Forgiveness is setting a prisoner free and then discovering the prisoner was you. One thing I jus learn and understand tat forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling, but an act of the will.

Dont wait to forgive until you feel like forgiving, you will never get there. Feelings take time to heal after the choice to forgive is made. Sometimes we did something wrong or silly mistakes and and we always say, "It didnt really matter" or "I probably deserved part of it anyway."

Tat is a wrong thing to say. As forgiveness says: it was wrong, it mattered, and I release you. - From the book Wild Heart. I always wonder how many times have I forgive myself and others. How many times have I put the blames on others and myself.

Is it hard for me to forgive myself? Is saying a word sorry so hard for me? Is it because of wat i did or happen in the past? Why am I feeling hurt? Lord, I need healing and able to forgive myself.... to release and set free..... Gather my broken fragments to a whole...

Let mine be a merry, all receiving heart, but make it a whole, with light in every part.
Never give up......

Relationships 2

Let's face it!

Gossip can be a delicious and vicious, treat on an otherwise boring day.



Do u know tat in Proverbs 18:8 says, " The words of a gossip are like tasty bits of food. Ppl like to gobble them up." But even though it may seem fun to listen to and repeat little nougats of half-truth about another person, as long as tat person isn't u, right! We should know without a doubt tat it is wrong in God's view.

Nothing good comes from gossip, and ppl are nearly, well always hurt by it! U know wat, Proverbs 16:28 mention "a gossip ruins friendships." This is bad! So stop doing it, steer clear and direct the convo in a positive direction! Ask God for strength to overcome it! Never give up! :)

Driving....

Oh ya I think I haven told all of u about it...... I am now taking my driving lesson....hehehe....This is my 5 times I learn my practical..... I know it kinda late but at least i make an effort to learn though i feel lazy. Oh ya for my theory exam, I only make one mistake, haha wanna show off cos till now no one got tat high yet!!!! Whaha....







Feel kinda happy to be able to sit at the driver seat!!! NICE!!!
Never give up learning.....

Feel a little down

I realized tat sometimes right timing is really important if wanna do something. Though i feel sad about it but still i took this as a challenge. :) Everyone, do understand it. For those who knw me well, I m sure u knw the reason. So guys, sorry for troubling all of u and thanks for supporting me. :) God bless

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to my best friend,
Your special day has come by again.
We had so much fun last time around,
A younger sister was someone I found.

Each year August 2nd is a wonderful day,
As we march forth in our own fun way.
Just hanging around and laughing a lot,
It is truly amazing what we have got.

A friendship like ours is not easy to come by,
Often the intensity of it makes me glad.
Is our beautiful friendship really only a dream?
Sometimes it feels so unreal that I must shout.

Once again I wish you Happy Birthday ,
An abundance of good blessing for you are in store.
A new year filled with lots of happiness and laughter,
And only the very best for you from here on after.

After all the hard work.....

As usual, we always have to prepare the decoration for the youth alpha, well the ideas always come from shell. This time sure take a lot of time and energy to do but still quite happy with all the hard work......

These was done on friday cos scare not enough time to finish during tat day. It took one whole night to finish the work.










Tat night was really tired and totally exhausted, but at least I had a wonderful slp cos at least I did something for God......Next day pastor say it was nice!! :) All Glory to Him!!!

Lost

Everyday is a tiny step
Away from my Great Shepherd
I felt alone in the whirlwind
I cannot help myself…

I know there is a way back
But I can’t see the path!
Suddenly I was blind,
I’m so alone in the dark…

And out of fear I cried for help
I was expecting for my friends
But they were gone I’m so alone
I was discouraged even more!

But there is one I haven’t called yet
My cries He heard, my sorrows He felt.
Love and help He offered
But I reject, my God was hurt!

But He’d never let me go
He never give up on me
He pulled me out of the shadow
He opened my mind, He brighten my path,
I was restored by His unfailing love!

A place called Depression

Depression is not just sadness
Its an emotion of lonely and inner madness
It gives you thoughts of pain and loss
That other people don’t give a toss
It makes you lash out at friends you love
It makes you question the Lord above
Why did he give me this terrible emotion?
That has no cure or potion
Depression will lock you in
In a small and empty tin
It controls ever action and every thought
And puts your fuse to nought
It makes you scared and all alone
Talking with a silent deadly tone

What happened to me?

Where is that cheerful boy I used to know?
I look in the mirror and it's like I don't even recognize myself.
I look so down and tired, I don't see that boy that was so happy so long ago.

What happened to the days I would smile?
Where are the days that my heart wouldn't break?
Where have I gone?

I see that boy when I look in the mirror, but he's too far gone.
I can't bring him back to life he's feeling to much strife.

I feel him inside me, but my depression won't let him come out.
I think the old me is gone without doubt.
Help me God..........

It not cheap...

During lunch time, leslie and i went to spring to have a quick meal. So we plan to try on this restaurant cos I heard it not bah



Wah i really like this drink, wat was it call again??? Forget already, hehe..


I think they gave us the frog egg bah, look very similar. But quite nice...


Ok, this is wat i order. Usually if u go to normal cafe, it cost around RM6 to 7 right! Guess how much is this one..... nothing special about this nasi lemak! RM10.90 man!!!! Leslie order the same nasi lemak but without the chicken drumstick and cost him RM4.90. So in other word, TAT CHICKEN DRUMSTICK ONLY COST RM6!!!!!! And it taste the same, really know how to make money!!!


Yup tat the bill. (T_T) May be i shud have try other dishes next time bah!!!

Heart and Mind

When I met you, my life changed
Don't know when this feeling came
I got out of bed one morning
Shocked about this feeling

It's not right to love you, I know
But I can't force myself to forget you
You gave color to my life
Though I know the time is not right

I told myself to stay away from you
But I can't teach my heart not to love you
This feeling I had for you keeps growing
A reason for me to be afraid of what this could bring

My mind always telling me to let you go
But my heart is always saying "I Love You"
This heart really rules my mind
And that is why I can't stop this feeling inside

Asking God to help me to decide
Which one will I follow Heart or Mind?
God has purpose to what I feel
For He only knows about what is real

One thing in common between my heart and mind
Is that they're both saying what is right
My mind is right and so with my heart
But one thing is for sure, You are a part of my Life.

Heart And Mind by Rhinze B. Redoble

Confused

My knees start to shake
when your in sight,
my minds filled with wonder
my heart with fright.

when will this feeling stop,
when did it start
how can I listen to my mind
without breaking my heart.

I am so confused,
what should I do?
I can't think of anything
feel like running away.

Should I ignore you
or just give it time
I can't think straight
my heart controls my mind.

Oh happy day, happy moment, happy hour....

Oh it was really great these few days, never been better.

Last week me and the rest of beth ppl went to Pasih Ulu to do the reading bus alpha. I really did enjoy it a lot. I went there once before during the ICCTS and now it almost one year I didnt went back. It really brings back those wonderful moments I had last time. I really enjoy teaching those children and seeing them enjoy it. Guess wat, on the Saturday night I manage to see 2 shooting stars, jus right in front of my eyes. I tell u tat time was really the most beautiful moment. Tat night the sky was clear and lots of stars appeared. I tell u, it like u are in the world of diamonds. Heaven!

Then the villagers bring us to a better place to enjoy the sight, which is near to their house. Guess wat, one of them bring out the mattress for us to lie down. Not only tat, they even serve us hot milo. Wow tat night was the best night I ever had. The next day after the church service, we went to the nearby waterfall for a swim. Later pastor bring us to one of the restaurant for seafood. Oh man I told u, it was like heaven.

A lot of my frens are getting marry next year. Oso recently two of my close frens are now in relationship together, really happy for them! It was a great news for me! But at the same time kinda envy them too...... Guess my still need to work hard on tat, hehe :)

Guess right now I jus celebrate wit them for now and no point to feel bad, right! If u wan, stop dreaming and start working for it! Never give up!

Wow

Ah finally have the free time to write my blog. But first of all, let me share 2 incident that happened recently.

1st incident was at the beach during Bako trip, Yong Shen lost his spectacle while he was swimming at the sea. Normally we will think it is gone for sure and really impossible to find it. He took quite a long time searching for it. So I decided to help up, though I told him it is impossible. As I was about to help up, suddenly I step on something in the water. Guess wat, it was his spect. It took me less than 20 sec to find it.

Next one was last night at the BDC Everise, where we play bowling till 11pm. When we were about to head home, Stanley jus realised he had lost his notebook, I mean the book type, not the electronic one. :) He drop it at the front of the main entrance, so obviously it will be either taken by someone or being throw into the bin. Tat time it was quite dark and it was almost impossible to find it, tat wat I though. Guess wat, I jus went to the near by drain randomly and found it.

I always though these situation is impossible, well almost impossible to overcome it. But now I see it the another way round. Nothing is impossible for God. Why? Cos during both situation I told God bout it...... Strange isnt it. hehe! Never give up!

Painful........Hide

Try to grab something .........
But jus dont knw wat is it ........
It jus feel uneasy and painful............
Wat is it I am seeking for..........
Wat if i choose to hide away from it, will i suffer less or feel better........

Changed lives

Dont know why I jus feel like writing this. Funny isnt it?

During August 2007, I moved from Sibu to Kuching after I completed my Diploma in Accounting. At first, I was really excited because I was going to Swinburne University and things went pretty well until the class started. The uni was a lot bigger than what I was used to be in college, and every day I would sit in the library by myself, doing homework or stay at my hostel room. I knew that it would take time before I was able to make good friends, but I didnt think it would be this hard. My self-esteem began to suffer, and I couldnt even make myself try out for dance, one of my big loves.

Before the move, I considered myself a pretty strong Christian. I had even prayed a few months before that God would prepare friends for me. Now since it wasnt happening as quickly as I had hoped, I figured he wasnt answering my prayers. I felt so alone and like God let me down, and I wondered why everything was so bad for me. I still went through the motions of going to church and doing what I was supposed to do, but I slowly started hardening my heart toward God and stop going to church.

On the July 2008 when I come back from Sibu, I had join this bible school. Actually I was ask to join this by my church pastor and had this opportunity to know those who join the course. Yesterday as I had my devotion, I read one of the author story and she mention this verse. It was 2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, "My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you.' So I am very happy to brag about my weaknesses. Then Christ's power can live in me."

Wow, it was so powerful! Looking back over the year, I could see things in a new light. I had been mad at God for the hard times, but this verse told me that I should be rejoicing because of them. I may have been weak, but his power living in me through my weakness was better than having all the friends in the world! Today is 21 of June 2009, another 9 days more and it will be July. It's be one year.......

Now I am 23, I was being informed recently that this is the truth. I look back and see God's hand on me the whole time. Yesterday and today, 2 of my good friends left. I have been thinking quite a while. He continued to give me more and more friends, and I could see that by waiting and gaining these friends later, they were truer friends. Friendships made too hastily might have gotten me into trouble.

Occasionally, I still feel like I dont fit in, worry what is going to be in future, am I going to leave Kuching one day, etc. Still no matter what, I am so glad God helped me wait to have friends that truly care for me. I should keep reminding myself there are more important things for me to spend my energy instead of worrying about these small things. Never give up ^.^


Photos of 2008

Weird Night......itchy night?

After watching Terminator:Salvation, this is wat we (Me, Leslie, Shell & Yesh) do, lying on the padang infront of Merdeka Palace...... Lying in the middle of the field!!! Can u believe it!!! Plus there are still cars passing leh. Because of the weird thing we do, it almost cause a car accident!!! Well it was nice when I realise it, lay on the ground while grazing at the stars........ Well can say my 1st time, hehe....... Bah here is wat we do during tat time, well meaningless stuff......















Well as u can see the pic was quite blur cos it was taken using phone...... still not bad! So we manage to spend half an hour there, it really a nice way to enjoy after u finish ur exam or assignment. Well only one problem after we lying in the field, u get itchy all over ur body...... hahaaha........ ^.^ Peace

Never give up scratching..........

Emo again? Haiz....

Sometimes my emotions drive me crazy! They seem to be taking over. One day I'm up and loving life, and the next I'm mad and feeling tired. Sometimes I jus wan to chuck them all and not feel anything. Know wat, emotions can stink when they are dragging us down! Haiz so tired of this thing happening again and again..... Guess I need to learn to rely on His truth rather than being controlled by feelings. Do help me! Yup never give up!

BFF!

Isn't it amazing how ur best fren can cheer u up like no one else? Who's there when u don't make the squad? Who stands by u when an embarrassing moment tempts u throw into stress? It's tat person, ur BFF!

Tat fren is the one who laughs when u laugh, cries when u cry, encourage u when u r emo, and has ur back no matter what. Who else can u gab with the hours after school, provide transport and stay up giggling all night? Thanks pal, u are a blessing to me! Thank God for the gift of a true fren. Never take ur fren for granted cos tat buddy is a treasure from Him! (James 1:17)

Awwww.... wat a heartaches!!!!

Sometimes life is jus TOO MUCH! It is easy to feel like u are losing ur mind. Think about the last time I had 3 exams, 4 presentations, 4 individual assignments and 5 group assignments due in 2 weeks! An extracurricular stuff to top it all off. Arrgg.......... this is crazy..........! Those are only a few of the countless to-dos tat can spend my peace into a nosedive! Thinking about it is enough to give u fits of dizzy spells! (T_T)


Now, question is, where do we turn for energy and calm when life packs a wallop? As i read Philippians 4:7, Jesus was no stranger to the stresses we face. Yup, he saw lots of heartache in the people he met, and it caused his heart to hurt too! But he is called the Prince of Peace for a reason. His peace is like a massive hug tat is BIG enough to wrap around the hugest problem in the world, well in our life of coz! It doesn't let all the junk (rubbish as well) around us get in and mess wit our heads or rob us of our security in him. Hear tat, worldly temptation or devils, HE RULES!

Jesus' heart aches over ur heartaches but he doesnt stress out over anything because his promise of peace is bigger than all of it! Yes amen to tat! Now i need to learn to depends on him, it never easy but i believe on Him. I believe all of us can do it if we depend on Him!
Never give up!

Another good fren leaving......

I had a fren. Her name is Tonyong. I know her during ICCTS (International Cross-Culture Training School). Though i only know her for 4 months, but we are like brother and sister. Sad thing is tat she is leaving Kuching to Brisbane, Australia. (T.T)

Tonight we, the Bethany gang which consist of 10 ppl, have a farewell dinner especially for her at WestWood. Well the food was quite nice, though it not wat i wanted, without air-con. But all of us did enjoy spending time together.

The dinner start at 7pm and end around 9pm. But thank God, when we about to pay the bill, the who restaurant black out. God did let us had our wonderful time together, fellowship. Thank u God! Ya she is leaving tomorrow morning at 10am, but i think i may not be able to make it and sent her off. No worry, she is coming back on Jan next year. So for the time being, will pray for her journey mercy and msy God watch over her! Thank u Tonyong! Take care and never give up!! ^.^ (She taugh me how to set the features of this blog)

Relationships 1

I messed up. I hurt someone's feelings, lost my temper, or maybe just let my mouth run away without my brain. Even when i m joking, I tends to overdoing it!

Now wat? Cry over spilt milk? This is childish! Ya i know wat shud i do! Admitting when we're wrong is not always easy, but it's the first step in repairing a broken relationship with others and with God.

Be honest and upfront with the person u hurt, regardless of whether the goof-up was intentional or accidental. 'Fess up and humbly ask for forgiveness. Reaffirm how much u value their friendship. Swallow any pride that might make u want to prove how right u were, and instead seek peace with the other person. Guess i got lots of this to do now!


To those i have hurt: Sorry for hurting all of u! If i ever done something awful to u, please accept my apologies..... I will try my best to change and will not do it again! Will ask God to help me with it. Thanks!

Ya it true, never give up! :)

My 1st pet!!!

U know wat, guess u guys wouldn't believe me one!!! I had a pet and oso my 1st pet. Not the ordinary pet like dog or cat, it a Tortoise!!! COOL isn't it! I found it at the Friendship Park, where it was jus release by one of the family tat day. So i see him so kesian and hear tat it live more on land, a land type. So I though i can keep it and take good care of it!

Well u guys may wan to see it! but to tell u the truth, i have give it to another person to take care of it cos my aunt doesnt allow me to keep it! (T_T) So sad. So eventually i had to give it to a person who can really take good care of it. Haiz soooooo........... sad! Well at least i had good time wit it, i think last around 2 hrs bah! haha a 2 hrs pet!!! Well now it live healthy with the new owner! Bye bye "tuesday", will visit u when i m free!!!

This is my pet! I call it tuesday cos it was found on tuesday, plus i dont know whether it a male or female one!


Look at it, isn't it cute!!!


I hear it doesnt bite at all and it's 20+ years old, base on it size!


This is how big it looks! Jus playing around wit it!


So fun to play wit it!


Bully.........


Actually it quite light!!! Ah this is the last moment i spend time wit 'tuesday'!

In the park 2

Today we went to friendship park again jus to have a walk, at the same time release our stress by feeding the fishes in the pond. After brought the fish food, we plan to change area this time to feed those fishes and guess wat, i manage to see a turtle near the bridge! Kinda surprise cos it quite rare to find one.


Well it kinda hard to feed it cos everytime i throw the food toward it, before the turtle can have a bite, all taken down by the fish! Haiyo need to be fast la, mr turtle!!


Here is the closer view. Isn't it cute! Hard to find it!


Ah wat a lovely sky! This pic is taken around 6 something.


Look at it! Looks like the sky is pink! After enjoy it, we head home around 6.45pm.

In the end, all of us stink like fish food again!

Tag chain - demanded by Yu Full!

Upload your fave picture and answer the question below.



Why did you choose the photo?
- I always want to have a BIG eyes for myself! Cute right!

When was the last time you ate pizza?
- YESTERDAY, during lunch time! Oh man it was really good!

The last song you've listen too?
- Gotta Be Somebody - Nickelback.

What are you doing beside answering this tag?
- Wonder what photo shud I choose for this blog! Got too many photos in my hardisk, hard to decide!

Besides your own name, how do you like people to call you?
- Cool manly name like Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt or Beckham. Feel kinda weird if call my full name! Of coz NO "Barney" or Barnie"!!!! YUCK, so uncool!!!!

Tag 6 person, the following questions are related to them.
1) Jonathan Wong
2) Shellyn
3) Che Chung
4) Tonyong
5) Fidelia
6) Yan Hui

Who is number 1?
- A great pal of mine when I was in Sibu. He was the one who brought me back to church and impact my Christian life. A great mentor too!

No.3 has a relationship with?
- Everyone know this one!!!! Dont know, can go ask him or anyone from Bethany!

Say something about number 5.
- My group leader during my 1st camp in Kuching, which is the Salt and Light camp! She is great, why! She helps me inform Yan Hui to get a towel for me to shower when i forgot mine last Sat! Thanks a lot Delia!

How about number 4?
- She taught me how to use the Blog! Now u can see some of the new features in my blog, it all thanks to her!

Who is number 2?
- DUDE!!! haha! A great buddy to be with, who can turn the world upside down when she is high! Oh ya thanks a lot for always fetching me around Kuching! Good driving skill!

Say something to number 6.
- Thank u so much for lending me the towel! If it wasnt for u tat time, wonder how i gonna smell like during the whole ALPHA night! (Jus to tell u guy tat I dont really stink tat day! Jus happen to come back from my dance practice!)