Why is this happen to me...

Today is the day i get my answer...... an answer tat I dont wan to hear and know...... I pray so hard to ask God to give me the answer i wan, but eventually it didnt...... Really feel sad and hurt..... I was force to take a semester break, in other words i was banned to take up any subject this semester, which is my current uni, Swinburne.

Why it had to be like this? Why can't i get to enroll any subject? A semester break, meaning four months without studying.... It really hit hard on me when I hear it when I went for an interview on Feb 18. Why did the Review Panel gave me this decision? Didnt i learn my lesson already? Didnt i jus came back from my 3 months semester break? Why did they still wan me to take another long break? Is it my reason wasnt good enough to prove that i m seriously wanna change to be better? Is it so bad to give a person another chance?

I was so depress and worry the last few days, I have try to put on my smiling face, the usual face to appear infront of all my frens. I dont wan to let my frens to feel sorry for me. I dont wan them to worry about me. I jus wan to be normal toward them, instead of pouring out all my failure.... But in the end, i jus cant hide from them. Guess they know me very well, cant help but to tell some of them. They are all kind towards me and i really appreciated it. It make me feel a lot better and i manage to loss some of the weight. Thank you guys, all of u are the best.

Still i cant stop worrying, why God? I know everything, i had most of the knowledge. I know how to deal with these situation, but still i feel so bad. I know i had fail my subject 3 times and get an exclusion from the uni. Yes it is really my fault for not taking the last chance and put in my best. Sorry God i have been disobdient toward u. I have ruin the last chance u had gave me. Guess i deserve it, yes this is my punishment i deserve it for not taken it seriously. Now i m really lost, dont know wat to do next.

I cant believe this is so REAL. It was hard to breath now.... I jus feel so tire, and yet i cant seems to rest well at night. I always look down ont those who had the same situation with me, always thought how come they are so stupid. Now i know how do they feel! I always bet on my study and my exam, never really lift up my hand and do it......

I have write another appeal letter. Wasnt it good enough to prove how serious i m right now? I have ask Janna and Rebecca to help me. I have do what Aunty Mei had told me to. Lord, help me! I m a man with small faith. I tends to depend too much on my own strength..... Sorry Lord!
I really dont know how to face my parent and relatives now, even to those who have pray so hard to me. I really feel like i owe them a lot.... Now, right now, i feel hopeless. I have loss all my emotion, feeling, my faith..... What shall i do? All i know now is to complain....... Pathetic!

I need to know what direction i shud go now. What should i do now? Change uni? Work? I jus wanna complete my degree and get over it as soon as possible. Haiz seems like i was haunted by my mistakes i made.

I really need to think positively, look at the bright side. Jus only 4 months, is not tat long. I can still continue to study after that. The punishment wasnt tat bad, compare to those who need to stop for 1 whole year. Mine consider minor. I should thanks God for this, isnt it, Shellyn told me tat. Actually it wasnt so bad to work for a while to gain some experience, che chung told me. U shouldn't give up jus because of my mistake and this is wat the devil wan to to think, Aunty Mei told me. I believe God will make a way for u and jus leave it all to God, Pei Sing msg me. Well jus move on and pray about it and leave it to God as He know what is best for me; do ur part and leave the decision to Him, said Janna and Rebecca. God is good, God cares, and God is in control, Shellyn text me. Everyone made mistake, and u r not the only one who go through it; take it as a lesson and improve it urself through tat; move on and never give up, say Aunty Mei and Aunty Mee Tin.

Do not worry. Rejoice and praise God even in this 'minor' setback. Just do it. In this way, you have strength and victory over circumstances, said my parent. Yes, my heavenly Father will help u, stop worrying and trust in Him, Amanda text me."... dares to challenge his players to believe God for the impossible on and off the field. When faced with unbelievable odds, the Eagles must step up to their greatest test of strength and courage.With God, all things are possible!", from the movie, Facing the Giants.

Yes indeed, God had be nice to me. When i was form 4, i almost didnt made to form 5 due to my average mark. With God's grace, I have the chance to finish and graduate with all my classmates. I sat for my CAT, an accounting diploma, UK certificate. It was really hard tat time cos it was very hard and the marking is strict. With God's grace, i have made it. Look at all these miracles, my faith in God should have been better. Why this time He jus cant do like wat He did last time? I m still praying and seeking for hope, strength, answers........