Beautifully Imperfect

I guess it been quite a while since i update my blog, can say this is my 1st one this year. Lately been busy and a bit lazy to do it! hehe....

Any hows, I came across this advertisement that was show during one of my lecturer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nw0s4C0g5SM

Not sure why, but it spoke to me quite a bit with the irony of the 2 words I used as the title for this post...........

"Beautifully Imperfect.........."

out of the many many many things in my mind, I have been wondering about the future person i am gonna meet...... the person...... if u knw what i mean....... I always though i must find a person who is to be perfect for me. Think about it, no one is perfect!

Sometimes i find myself thinking about tat person (whoever tat person is) a little too much..... I remember my secondary frens is like trying to get me paired up with another fren of them...... Lol..... and i keep telling them i dont wan to be match make me.... since i still kinda shy... Hehe...


But what i gathered from the video above was that the person need NOT be all tat perfect....... since i knw i myself am not perfect.....

"......the little imperfections that make them perfect for u...."

Well i am not really a perfectionist..... and yet there are times i set standards that are a bit too high, when i come to think of it....

Still i knw that it is not exactly my choice to make right now.... He will decide who tat person is and it is His timing that it will happen......

i do admit i am getting a little bit impatient....., but i will wait.... I will try.......


I will wait on His direction and in the mean time, the relationship between My Lord and I needs more attention.... it really does.... so yea... Never give up!

Promises

Are u waiting for God to answer a prayer? May be u are dealing with a situation that hurts a lot or simply confuse u, and u wish God would hurry up the answer. U know he is powerful and believe he can do anything. So why hasn't he met ur need?

That is the reason why I have not update my blog. Why? Because I didn't get answer, so I have give up trusting in Him. I am sick of waiting and I can do it without His help! Totally stop praying and read His words. In the end, I was exhausted and feeling down. But God didn't give up on me, which I happens to read this verse unwillingly.......

John 11:4, 14-15. Mary and Martha knew the pain of feeling let down by Jesus. They and their brother, Lazarus, were close friends of Jesus, so when Lazarus grew deathly ill, the sisters naturally thought of Jesus. They knew he could heal Lazarus and make their family whole again. So they sent for him. And they waited. And waited...... Just like how i waited.......

Confusion, hurt, and may be even panic set in as they watched Lazarus get sicker. Where was Jesus when they needed him most? Finally, they watched Lazarus die, and they went through the long process of burying and mourning their brother.

Jesus knew Mary and Martha trusted him to heal Lazarus, but he had bigger lessons for them: Did they trust him to heal their pain? And, most importantly, did they want Jesus to be glorified above all, in all situations?

I am just like them, Mary and Martha, as I learn to trust him more, he will show me more and more of his glory. Though now I still struggling whether to surrender and wait patiently or just go on my own ways again. It's hard, painful, lonely....... But this is how God works. All I can do now is have faith in Him. At the same time I need supports, helps & encouragement from others. I hope I will continue have this, never give up strength......

Who am I?

Wat of me, dear Lord?
Are u pleased? Wat did u see?
I am sorry tat I have to ask, wishing I knew without asking.
Fear, I suppose, make me doubt. Still, I yearn to hear from u - a word, or image, a name or even jus a glance from u.

My wound......

I jus read one book saying: - unforgiveness and bitterness can wreck our lives and the lives of others (Eph 4:31, Heb 12:15). Forgiveness is setting a prisoner free and then discovering the prisoner was you. One thing I jus learn and understand tat forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling, but an act of the will.

Dont wait to forgive until you feel like forgiving, you will never get there. Feelings take time to heal after the choice to forgive is made. Sometimes we did something wrong or silly mistakes and and we always say, "It didnt really matter" or "I probably deserved part of it anyway."

Tat is a wrong thing to say. As forgiveness says: it was wrong, it mattered, and I release you. - From the book Wild Heart. I always wonder how many times have I forgive myself and others. How many times have I put the blames on others and myself.

Is it hard for me to forgive myself? Is saying a word sorry so hard for me? Is it because of wat i did or happen in the past? Why am I feeling hurt? Lord, I need healing and able to forgive myself.... to release and set free..... Gather my broken fragments to a whole...

Let mine be a merry, all receiving heart, but make it a whole, with light in every part.
Never give up......

Relationships 2

Let's face it!

Gossip can be a delicious and vicious, treat on an otherwise boring day.



Do u know tat in Proverbs 18:8 says, " The words of a gossip are like tasty bits of food. Ppl like to gobble them up." But even though it may seem fun to listen to and repeat little nougats of half-truth about another person, as long as tat person isn't u, right! We should know without a doubt tat it is wrong in God's view.

Nothing good comes from gossip, and ppl are nearly, well always hurt by it! U know wat, Proverbs 16:28 mention "a gossip ruins friendships." This is bad! So stop doing it, steer clear and direct the convo in a positive direction! Ask God for strength to overcome it! Never give up! :)

Driving....

Oh ya I think I haven told all of u about it...... I am now taking my driving lesson....hehehe....This is my 5 times I learn my practical..... I know it kinda late but at least i make an effort to learn though i feel lazy. Oh ya for my theory exam, I only make one mistake, haha wanna show off cos till now no one got tat high yet!!!! Whaha....







Feel kinda happy to be able to sit at the driver seat!!! NICE!!!
Never give up learning.....

Feel a little down

I realized tat sometimes right timing is really important if wanna do something. Though i feel sad about it but still i took this as a challenge. :) Everyone, do understand it. For those who knw me well, I m sure u knw the reason. So guys, sorry for troubling all of u and thanks for supporting me. :) God bless

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to my best friend,
Your special day has come by again.
We had so much fun last time around,
A younger sister was someone I found.

Each year August 2nd is a wonderful day,
As we march forth in our own fun way.
Just hanging around and laughing a lot,
It is truly amazing what we have got.

A friendship like ours is not easy to come by,
Often the intensity of it makes me glad.
Is our beautiful friendship really only a dream?
Sometimes it feels so unreal that I must shout.

Once again I wish you Happy Birthday ,
An abundance of good blessing for you are in store.
A new year filled with lots of happiness and laughter,
And only the very best for you from here on after.

After all the hard work.....

As usual, we always have to prepare the decoration for the youth alpha, well the ideas always come from shell. This time sure take a lot of time and energy to do but still quite happy with all the hard work......

These was done on friday cos scare not enough time to finish during tat day. It took one whole night to finish the work.










Tat night was really tired and totally exhausted, but at least I had a wonderful slp cos at least I did something for God......Next day pastor say it was nice!! :) All Glory to Him!!!

Lost

Everyday is a tiny step
Away from my Great Shepherd
I felt alone in the whirlwind
I cannot help myself…

I know there is a way back
But I can’t see the path!
Suddenly I was blind,
I’m so alone in the dark…

And out of fear I cried for help
I was expecting for my friends
But they were gone I’m so alone
I was discouraged even more!

But there is one I haven’t called yet
My cries He heard, my sorrows He felt.
Love and help He offered
But I reject, my God was hurt!

But He’d never let me go
He never give up on me
He pulled me out of the shadow
He opened my mind, He brighten my path,
I was restored by His unfailing love!

A place called Depression

Depression is not just sadness
Its an emotion of lonely and inner madness
It gives you thoughts of pain and loss
That other people don’t give a toss
It makes you lash out at friends you love
It makes you question the Lord above
Why did he give me this terrible emotion?
That has no cure or potion
Depression will lock you in
In a small and empty tin
It controls ever action and every thought
And puts your fuse to nought
It makes you scared and all alone
Talking with a silent deadly tone

What happened to me?

Where is that cheerful boy I used to know?
I look in the mirror and it's like I don't even recognize myself.
I look so down and tired, I don't see that boy that was so happy so long ago.

What happened to the days I would smile?
Where are the days that my heart wouldn't break?
Where have I gone?

I see that boy when I look in the mirror, but he's too far gone.
I can't bring him back to life he's feeling to much strife.

I feel him inside me, but my depression won't let him come out.
I think the old me is gone without doubt.
Help me God..........

It not cheap...

During lunch time, leslie and i went to spring to have a quick meal. So we plan to try on this restaurant cos I heard it not bah



Wah i really like this drink, wat was it call again??? Forget already, hehe..


I think they gave us the frog egg bah, look very similar. But quite nice...


Ok, this is wat i order. Usually if u go to normal cafe, it cost around RM6 to 7 right! Guess how much is this one..... nothing special about this nasi lemak! RM10.90 man!!!! Leslie order the same nasi lemak but without the chicken drumstick and cost him RM4.90. So in other word, TAT CHICKEN DRUMSTICK ONLY COST RM6!!!!!! And it taste the same, really know how to make money!!!


Yup tat the bill. (T_T) May be i shud have try other dishes next time bah!!!

Heart and Mind

When I met you, my life changed
Don't know when this feeling came
I got out of bed one morning
Shocked about this feeling

It's not right to love you, I know
But I can't force myself to forget you
You gave color to my life
Though I know the time is not right

I told myself to stay away from you
But I can't teach my heart not to love you
This feeling I had for you keeps growing
A reason for me to be afraid of what this could bring

My mind always telling me to let you go
But my heart is always saying "I Love You"
This heart really rules my mind
And that is why I can't stop this feeling inside

Asking God to help me to decide
Which one will I follow Heart or Mind?
God has purpose to what I feel
For He only knows about what is real

One thing in common between my heart and mind
Is that they're both saying what is right
My mind is right and so with my heart
But one thing is for sure, You are a part of my Life.

Heart And Mind by Rhinze B. Redoble

Confused

My knees start to shake
when your in sight,
my minds filled with wonder
my heart with fright.

when will this feeling stop,
when did it start
how can I listen to my mind
without breaking my heart.

I am so confused,
what should I do?
I can't think of anything
feel like running away.

Should I ignore you
or just give it time
I can't think straight
my heart controls my mind.

Oh happy day, happy moment, happy hour....

Oh it was really great these few days, never been better.

Last week me and the rest of beth ppl went to Pasih Ulu to do the reading bus alpha. I really did enjoy it a lot. I went there once before during the ICCTS and now it almost one year I didnt went back. It really brings back those wonderful moments I had last time. I really enjoy teaching those children and seeing them enjoy it. Guess wat, on the Saturday night I manage to see 2 shooting stars, jus right in front of my eyes. I tell u tat time was really the most beautiful moment. Tat night the sky was clear and lots of stars appeared. I tell u, it like u are in the world of diamonds. Heaven!

Then the villagers bring us to a better place to enjoy the sight, which is near to their house. Guess wat, one of them bring out the mattress for us to lie down. Not only tat, they even serve us hot milo. Wow tat night was the best night I ever had. The next day after the church service, we went to the nearby waterfall for a swim. Later pastor bring us to one of the restaurant for seafood. Oh man I told u, it was like heaven.

A lot of my frens are getting marry next year. Oso recently two of my close frens are now in relationship together, really happy for them! It was a great news for me! But at the same time kinda envy them too...... Guess my still need to work hard on tat, hehe :)

Guess right now I jus celebrate wit them for now and no point to feel bad, right! If u wan, stop dreaming and start working for it! Never give up!

Wow

Ah finally have the free time to write my blog. But first of all, let me share 2 incident that happened recently.

1st incident was at the beach during Bako trip, Yong Shen lost his spectacle while he was swimming at the sea. Normally we will think it is gone for sure and really impossible to find it. He took quite a long time searching for it. So I decided to help up, though I told him it is impossible. As I was about to help up, suddenly I step on something in the water. Guess wat, it was his spect. It took me less than 20 sec to find it.

Next one was last night at the BDC Everise, where we play bowling till 11pm. When we were about to head home, Stanley jus realised he had lost his notebook, I mean the book type, not the electronic one. :) He drop it at the front of the main entrance, so obviously it will be either taken by someone or being throw into the bin. Tat time it was quite dark and it was almost impossible to find it, tat wat I though. Guess wat, I jus went to the near by drain randomly and found it.

I always though these situation is impossible, well almost impossible to overcome it. But now I see it the another way round. Nothing is impossible for God. Why? Cos during both situation I told God bout it...... Strange isnt it. hehe! Never give up!

Painful........Hide

Try to grab something .........
But jus dont knw wat is it ........
It jus feel uneasy and painful............
Wat is it I am seeking for..........
Wat if i choose to hide away from it, will i suffer less or feel better........

Changed lives

Dont know why I jus feel like writing this. Funny isnt it?

During August 2007, I moved from Sibu to Kuching after I completed my Diploma in Accounting. At first, I was really excited because I was going to Swinburne University and things went pretty well until the class started. The uni was a lot bigger than what I was used to be in college, and every day I would sit in the library by myself, doing homework or stay at my hostel room. I knew that it would take time before I was able to make good friends, but I didnt think it would be this hard. My self-esteem began to suffer, and I couldnt even make myself try out for dance, one of my big loves.

Before the move, I considered myself a pretty strong Christian. I had even prayed a few months before that God would prepare friends for me. Now since it wasnt happening as quickly as I had hoped, I figured he wasnt answering my prayers. I felt so alone and like God let me down, and I wondered why everything was so bad for me. I still went through the motions of going to church and doing what I was supposed to do, but I slowly started hardening my heart toward God and stop going to church.

On the July 2008 when I come back from Sibu, I had join this bible school. Actually I was ask to join this by my church pastor and had this opportunity to know those who join the course. Yesterday as I had my devotion, I read one of the author story and she mention this verse. It was 2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, "My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you.' So I am very happy to brag about my weaknesses. Then Christ's power can live in me."

Wow, it was so powerful! Looking back over the year, I could see things in a new light. I had been mad at God for the hard times, but this verse told me that I should be rejoicing because of them. I may have been weak, but his power living in me through my weakness was better than having all the friends in the world! Today is 21 of June 2009, another 9 days more and it will be July. It's be one year.......

Now I am 23, I was being informed recently that this is the truth. I look back and see God's hand on me the whole time. Yesterday and today, 2 of my good friends left. I have been thinking quite a while. He continued to give me more and more friends, and I could see that by waiting and gaining these friends later, they were truer friends. Friendships made too hastily might have gotten me into trouble.

Occasionally, I still feel like I dont fit in, worry what is going to be in future, am I going to leave Kuching one day, etc. Still no matter what, I am so glad God helped me wait to have friends that truly care for me. I should keep reminding myself there are more important things for me to spend my energy instead of worrying about these small things. Never give up ^.^


Photos of 2008

Weird Night......itchy night?

After watching Terminator:Salvation, this is wat we (Me, Leslie, Shell & Yesh) do, lying on the padang infront of Merdeka Palace...... Lying in the middle of the field!!! Can u believe it!!! Plus there are still cars passing leh. Because of the weird thing we do, it almost cause a car accident!!! Well it was nice when I realise it, lay on the ground while grazing at the stars........ Well can say my 1st time, hehe....... Bah here is wat we do during tat time, well meaningless stuff......















Well as u can see the pic was quite blur cos it was taken using phone...... still not bad! So we manage to spend half an hour there, it really a nice way to enjoy after u finish ur exam or assignment. Well only one problem after we lying in the field, u get itchy all over ur body...... hahaaha........ ^.^ Peace

Never give up scratching..........