Never Give Up

Beautifully Imperfect

2010-04-13T14:07:00.004+08:00

I guess it been quite a while since i update my blog, can say this is my 1st one this year. Lately been busy and a bit lazy to do it! hehe....

Any hows, I came across this advertisement that was show during one of my lecturer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nw0s4C0g5SM

Not sure why, but it spoke to me quite a bit with the irony of the 2 words I used as the title for this post...........

"Beautifully Imperfect.........."

out of the many many many things in my mind, I have been wondering about the future person i am gonna meet...... the person...... if u knw what i mean....... I always though i must find a person who is to be perfect for me. Think about it, no one is perfect!

Sometimes i find myself thinking about tat person (whoever tat person is) a little too much..... I remember my secondary frens is like trying to get me paired up with another fren of them...... Lol..... and i keep telling them i dont wan to be match make me.... since i still kinda shy... Hehe...

But what i gathered from the video above was that the person need NOT be all tat perfect....... since i knw i myself am not perfect.....

"......the little imperfections that make them perfect for u...."

Well i am not really a perfectionist..... and yet there are times i set standards that are a bit too high, when i come to think of it....

Still i knw that it is not exactly my choice to make right now.... He will decide who tat person is and it is His timing that it will happen......

i do admit i am getting a little bit impatient....., but i will wait.... I will try.......

I will wait on His direction and in the mean time, the relationship between My Lord and I needs more attention.... it really does.... so yea... Never give up!

Promises

2009-11-12T11:19:00.006+08:00

Are u waiting for God to answer a prayer? May be u are dealing with a situation that hurts a lot or simply confuse u, and u wish God would hurry up the answer. U know he is powerful and believe he can do anything. So why hasn't he met ur need?

That is the reason why I have not update my blog. Why? Because I didn't get answer, so I have give up trusting in Him. I am sick of waiting and I can do it without His help! Totally stop praying and read His words. In the end, I was exhausted and feeling down. But God didn't give up on me, which I happens to read this verse unwillingly.......

John 11:4, 14-15. Mary and Martha knew the pain of feeling let down by Jesus. They and their brother, Lazarus, were close friends of Jesus, so when Lazarus grew deathly ill, the sisters naturally thought of Jesus. They knew he could heal Lazarus and make their family whole again. So they sent for him. And they waited. And waited...... Just like how i waited.......

Confusion, hurt, and may be even panic set in as they watched Lazarus get sicker. Where was Jesus when they needed him most? Finally, they watched Lazarus die, and they went through the long process of burying and mourning their brother.

Jesus knew Mary and Martha trusted him to heal Lazarus, but he had bigger lessons for them: Did they trust him to heal their pain? And, most importantly, did they want Jesus to be glorified above all, in all situations?

I am just like them, Mary and Martha, as I learn to trust him more, he will show me more and more of his glory. Though now I still struggling whether to surrender and wait patiently or just go on my own ways again. It's hard, painful, lonely....... But this is how God works. All I can do now is have faith in Him. At the same time I need supports, helps & encouragement from others. I hope I will continue have this, never give up strength......

Who am I?

2009-08-06T00:07:00.002+08:00

Wat of me, dear Lord?
Are u pleased? Wat did u see?
I am sorry tat I have to ask, wishing I knew without asking.
Fear, I suppose, make me doubt. Still, I yearn to hear from u - a word, or image, a name or even jus a glance from u.

My wound......

2009-08-03T23:46:00.002+08:00

I jus read one book saying: - unforgiveness and bitterness can wreck our lives and the lives of others (Eph 4:31, Heb 12:15). Forgiveness is setting a prisoner free and then discovering the prisoner was you. One thing I jus learn and understand tat forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling, but an act of the will.

Dont wait to forgive until you feel like forgiving, you will never get there. Feelings take time to heal after the choice to forgive is made. Sometimes we did something wrong or silly mistakes and and we always say, "It didnt really matter" or "I probably deserved part of it anyway."

Tat is a wrong thing to say. As forgiveness says: it was wrong, it mattered, and I release you. - From the book Wild Heart. I always wonder how many times have I forgive myself and others. How many times have I put the blames on others and myself.

Is it hard for me to forgive myself? Is saying a word sorry so hard for me? Is it because of wat i did or happen in the past? Why am I feeling hurt? Lord, I need healing and able to forgive myself.... to release and set free..... Gather my broken fragments to a whole...

Let mine be a merry, all receiving heart, but make it a whole, with light in every part.
Never give up......

Relationships 2

2009-08-03T22:27:00.000+08:00

Let's face it!

Gossip can be a delicious and vicious, treat on an otherwise boring day.

Do u know tat in Proverbs 18:8 says, " The words of a gossip are like tasty bits of food. Ppl like to gobble them up." But even though it may seem fun to listen to and repeat little nougats of half-truth about another person, as long as tat person isn't u, right! We should know without a doubt tat it is wrong in God's view.

Nothing good comes from gossip, and ppl are nearly, well always hurt by it! U know wat, Proverbs 16:28 mention "a gossip ruins friendships." This is bad! So stop doing it, steer clear and direct the convo in a positive direction! Ask God for strength to overcome it! Never give up! :)

Driving....

2009-08-03T21:27:00.000+08:00

Oh ya I think I haven told all of u about it...... I am now taking my driving lesson....hehehe....This is my 5 times I learn my practical..... I know it kinda late but at least i make an effort to learn though i feel lazy. Oh ya for my theory exam, I only make one mistake, haha wanna show off cos till now no one got tat high yet!!!! Whaha....

Feel kinda happy to be able to sit at the driver seat!!! NICE!!!
Never give up learning.....

Feel a little down

2009-08-03T02:15:00.000+08:00

I realized tat sometimes right timing is really important if wanna do something. Though i feel sad about it but still i took this as a challenge. :) Everyone, do understand it. For those who knw me well, I m sure u knw the reason. So guys, sorry for troubling all of u and thanks for supporting me. :) God bless

Happy Birthday

2009-08-02T22:46:00.001+08:00

Happy Birthday to my best friend,
Your special day has come by again.
We had so much fun last time around,
A younger sister was someone I found.

Each year August 2nd is a wonderful day,
As we march forth in our own fun way.
Just hanging around and laughing a lot,
It is truly amazing what we have got.

A friendship like ours is not easy to come by,
Often the intensity of it makes me glad.
Is our beautiful friendship really only a dream?
Sometimes it feels so unreal that I must shout.

Once again I wish you Happy Birthday ,
An abundance of good blessing for you are in store.
A new year filled with lots of happiness and laughter,
And only the very best for you from here on after.

After all the hard work.....

2009-07-31T23:45:00.000+08:00

As usual, we always have to prepare the decoration for the youth alpha, well the ideas always come from shell. This time sure take a lot of time and energy to do but still quite happy with all the hard work......

These was done on friday cos scare not enough time to finish during tat day. It took one whole night to finish the work.

Tat night was really tired and totally exhausted, but at least I had a wonderful slp cos at least I did something for God......Next day pastor say it was nice!! :) All Glory to Him!!!

Lost

2009-07-16T23:34:00.002+08:00

Everyday is a tiny step
Away from my Great Shepherd
I felt alone in the whirlwind
I cannot help myself…

I know there is a way back
But I can’t see the path!
Suddenly I was blind,
I’m so alone in the dark…

And out of fear I cried for help
I was expecting for my friends
But they were gone I’m so alone
I was discouraged even more!

But there is one I haven’t called yet
My cries He heard, my sorrows He felt.
Love and help He offered
But I reject, my God was hurt!

But He’d never let me go
He never give up on me
He pulled me out of the shadow
He opened my mind, He brighten my path,
I was restored by His unfailing love!

A place called Depression

2009-07-11T23:12:00.000+08:00

Depression is not just sadness
Its an emotion of lonely and inner madness
It gives you thoughts of pain and loss
That other people don’t give a toss
It makes you lash out at friends you love
It makes you question the Lord above
Why did he give me this terrible emotion?
That has no cure or potion
Depression will lock you in
In a small and empty tin
It controls ever action and every thought
And puts your fuse to nought
It makes you scared and all alone
Talking with a silent deadly tone

What happened to me?

2009-07-10T23:31:00.000+08:00

Where is that cheerful boy I used to know?
I look in the mirror and it's like I don't even recognize myself.
I look so down and tired, I don't see that boy that was so happy so long ago.

What happened to the days I would smile?
Where are the days that my heart wouldn't break?
Where have I gone?

I see that boy when I look in the mirror, but he's too far gone.
I can't bring him back to life he's feeling to much strife.

I feel him inside me, but my depression won't let him come out.
I think the old me is gone without doubt.
Help me God..........

It not cheap...

2009-07-10T22:05:00.000+08:00

During lunch time, leslie and i went to spring to have a quick meal. So we plan to try on this restaurant cos I heard it not bah

Wah i really like this drink, wat was it call again??? Forget already, hehe..

I think they gave us the frog egg bah, look very similar. But quite nice...

Ok, this is wat i order. Usually if u go to normal cafe, it cost around RM6 to 7 right! Guess how much is this one..... nothing special about this nasi lemak! RM10.90 man!!!! Leslie order the same nasi lemak but without the chicken drumstick and cost him RM4.90. So in other word, TAT CHICKEN DRUMSTICK ONLY COST RM6!!!!!! And it taste the same, really know how to make money!!!

Yup tat the bill. (T_T) May be i shud have try other dishes next time bah!!!

Heart and Mind

2009-07-09T22:22:00.000+08:00

When I met you, my life changed
Don't know when this feeling came
I got out of bed one morning
Shocked about this feeling

It's not right to love you, I know
But I can't force myself to forget you
You gave color to my life
Though I know the time is not right

I told myself to stay away from you
But I can't teach my heart not to love you
This feeling I had for you keeps growing
A reason for me to be afraid of what this could bring

My mind always telling me to let you go
But my heart is always saying "I Love You"
This heart really rules my mind
And that is why I can't stop this feeling inside

Asking God to help me to decide
Which one will I follow Heart or Mind?
God has purpose to what I feel
For He only knows about what is real

One thing in common between my heart and mind
Is that they're both saying what is right
My mind is right and so with my heart
But one thing is for sure, You are a part of my Life.

Heart And Mind by Rhinze B. Redoble

Confused

2009-07-08T22:41:00.001+08:00

My knees start to shake
when your in sight,
my minds filled with wonder
my heart with fright.

when will this feeling stop,
when did it start
how can I listen to my mind
without breaking my heart.

I am so confused,
what should I do?
I can't think of anything
feel like running away.

Should I ignore you
or just give it time
I can't think straight
my heart controls my mind.

Oh happy day, happy moment, happy hour....

2009-07-04T00:19:00.002+08:00

Oh it was really great these few days, never been better.

Last week me and the rest of beth ppl went to Pasih Ulu to do the reading bus alpha. I really did enjoy it a lot. I went there once before during the ICCTS and now it almost one year I didnt went back. It really brings back those wonderful moments I had last time. I really enjoy teaching those children and seeing them enjoy it. Guess wat, on the Saturday night I manage to see 2 shooting stars, jus right in front of my eyes. I tell u tat time was really the most beautiful moment. Tat night the sky was clear and lots of stars appeared. I tell u, it like u are in the world of diamonds. Heaven!

Then the villagers bring us to a better place to enjoy the sight, which is near to their house. Guess wat, one of them bring out the mattress for us to lie down. Not only tat, they even serve us hot milo. Wow tat night was the best night I ever had. The next day after the church service, we went to the nearby waterfall for a swim. Later pastor bring us to one of the restaurant for seafood. Oh man I told u, it was like heaven.

A lot of my frens are getting marry next year. Oso recently two of my close frens are now in relationship together, really happy for them! It was a great news for me! But at the same time kinda envy them too...... Guess my still need to work hard on tat, hehe :)

Guess right now I jus celebrate wit them for now and no point to feel bad, right! If u wan, stop dreaming and start working for it! Never give up!

Wow

2009-07-03T23:28:00.002+08:00

Ah finally have the free time to write my blog. But first of all, let me share 2 incident that happened recently.

1st incident was at the beach during Bako trip, Yong Shen lost his spectacle while he was swimming at the sea. Normally we will think it is gone for sure and really impossible to find it. He took quite a long time searching for it. So I decided to help up, though I told him it is impossible. As I was about to help up, suddenly I step on something in the water. Guess wat, it was his spect. It took me less than 20 sec to find it.

Next one was last night at the BDC Everise, where we play bowling till 11pm. When we were about to head home, Stanley jus realised he had lost his notebook, I mean the book type, not the electronic one. :) He drop it at the front of the main entrance, so obviously it will be either taken by someone or being throw into the bin. Tat time it was quite dark and it was almost impossible to find it, tat wat I though. Guess wat, I jus went to the near by drain randomly and found it.

I always though these situation is impossible, well almost impossible to overcome it. But now I see it the another way round. Nothing is impossible for God. Why? Cos during both situation I told God bout it...... Strange isnt it. hehe! Never give up!

Painful........Hide

2009-06-22T20:44:00.005+08:00

Try to grab something .........
But jus dont knw wat is it ........
It jus feel uneasy and painful............
Wat is it I am seeking for..........
Wat if i choose to hide away from it, will i suffer less or feel better........

Changed lives

2009-06-21T21:37:00.010+08:00

Dont know why I jus feel like writing this. Funny isnt it?

During August 2007, I moved from Sibu to Kuching after I completed my Diploma in Accounting. At first, I was really excited because I was going to Swinburne University and things went pretty well until the class started. The uni was a lot bigger than what I was used to be in college, and every day I would sit in the library by myself, doing homework or stay at my hostel room. I knew that it would take time before I was able to make good friends, but I didnt think it would be this hard. My self-esteem began to suffer, and I couldnt even make myself try out for dance, one of my big loves.

Before the move, I considered myself a pretty strong Christian. I had even prayed a few months before that God would prepare friends for me. Now since it wasnt happening as quickly as I had hoped, I figured he wasnt answering my prayers. I felt so alone and like God let me down, and I wondered why everything was so bad for me. I still went through the motions of going to church and doing what I was supposed to do, but I slowly started hardening my heart toward God and stop going to church.

On the July 2008 when I come back from Sibu, I had join this bible school. Actually I was ask to join this by my church pastor and had this opportunity to know those who join the course. Yesterday as I had my devotion, I read one of the author story and she mention this verse. It was 2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, "My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you.' So I am very happy to brag about my weaknesses. Then Christ's power can live in me."

Wow, it was so powerful! Looking back over the year, I could see things in a new light. I had been mad at God for the hard times, but this verse told me that I should be rejoicing because of them. I may have been weak, but his power living in me through my weakness was better than having all the friends in the world! Today is 21 of June 2009, another 9 days more and it will be July. It's be one year.......

Now I am 23, I was being informed recently that this is the truth. I look back and see God's hand on me the whole time. Yesterday and today, 2 of my good friends left. I have been thinking quite a while. He continued to give me more and more friends, and I could see that by waiting and gaining these friends later, they were truer friends. Friendships made too hastily might have gotten me into trouble.

Occasionally, I still feel like I dont fit in, worry what is going to be in future, am I going to leave Kuching one day, etc. Still no matter what, I am so glad God helped me wait to have friends that truly care for me. I should keep reminding myself there are more important things for me to spend my energy instead of worrying about these small things. Never give up ^.^

Photos of 2008

Weird Night......itchy night?

2009-06-04T16:20:00.003+08:00

After watching Terminator:Salvation, this is wat we (Me, Leslie, Shell & Yesh) do, lying on the padang infront of Merdeka Palace...... Lying in the middle of the field!!! Can u believe it!!! Plus there are still cars passing leh. Because of the weird thing we do, it almost cause a car accident!!! Well it was nice when I realise it, lay on the ground while grazing at the stars........ Well can say my 1st time, hehe....... Bah here is wat we do during tat time, well meaningless stuff......

Well as u can see the pic was quite blur cos it was taken using phone...... still not bad! So we manage to spend half an hour there, it really a nice way to enjoy after u finish ur exam or assignment. Well only one problem after we lying in the field, u get itchy all over ur body...... hahaaha........ ^.^ Peace

Never give up scratching..........

Emo again? Haiz....

2009-05-21T23:05:00.004+08:00

Sometimes my emotions drive me crazy! They seem to be taking over. One day I'm up and loving life, and the next I'm mad and feeling tired. Sometimes I jus wan to chuck them all and not feel anything. Know wat, emotions can stink when they are dragging us down! Haiz so tired of this thing happening again and again..... Guess I need to learn to rely on His truth rather than being controlled by feelings. Do help me! Yup never give up!

BFF!

2009-05-20T21:57:00.005+08:00

Isn't it amazing how ur best fren can cheer u up like no one else? Who's there when u don't make the squad? Who stands by u when an embarrassing moment tempts u throw into stress? It's tat person, ur BFF!

Tat fren is the one who laughs when u laugh, cries when u cry, encourage u when u r emo, and has ur back no matter what. Who else can u gab with the hours after school, provide transport and stay up giggling all night? Thanks pal, u are a blessing to me! Thank God for the gift of a true fren. Never take ur fren for granted cos tat buddy is a treasure from Him! (James 1:17)

Awwww.... wat a heartaches!!!!

2009-05-17T20:48:00.008+08:00

Sometimes life is jus TOO MUCH! It is easy to feel like u are losing ur mind. Think about the last time I had 3 exams, 4 presentations, 4 individual assignments and 5 group assignments due in 2 weeks! An extracurricular stuff to top it all off. Arrgg.......... this is crazy..........! Those are only a few of the countless to-dos tat can spend my peace into a nosedive! Thinking about it is enough to give u fits of dizzy spells! (T_T)

Now, question is, where do we turn for energy and calm when life packs a wallop? As i read Philippians 4:7, Jesus was no stranger to the stresses we face. Yup, he saw lots of heartache in the people he met, and it caused his heart to hurt too! But he is called the Prince of Peace for a reason. His peace is like a massive hug tat is BIG enough to wrap around the hugest problem in the world, well in our life of coz! It doesn't let all the junk (rubbish as well) around us get in and mess wit our heads or rob us of our security in him. Hear tat, worldly temptation or devils, HE RULES!

Jesus' heart aches over ur heartaches but he doesnt stress out over anything because his promise of peace is bigger than all of it! Yes amen to tat! Now i need to learn to depends on him, it never easy but i believe on Him. I believe all of us can do it if we depend on Him!
Never give up!

Another good fren leaving......

2009-05-11T23:23:00.004+08:00

I had a fren. Her name is Tonyong. I know her during ICCTS (International Cross-Culture Training School). Though i only know her for 4 months, but we are like brother and sister. Sad thing is tat she is leaving Kuching to Brisbane, Australia. (T.T)

Tonight we, the Bethany gang which consist of 10 ppl, have a farewell dinner especially for her at WestWood. Well the food was quite nice, though it not wat i wanted, without air-con. But all of us did enjoy spending time together.

The dinner start at 7pm and end around 9pm. But thank God, when we about to pay the bill, the who restaurant black out. God did let us had our wonderful time together, fellowship. Thank u God! Ya she is leaving tomorrow morning at 10am, but i think i may not be able to make it and sent her off. No worry, she is coming back on Jan next year. So for the time being, will pray for her journey mercy and msy God watch over her! Thank u Tonyong! Take care and never give up!! ^.^ (She taugh me how to set the features of this blog)

Relationships 1

2009-05-01T23:16:00.002+08:00

I messed up. I hurt someone's feelings, lost my temper, or maybe just let my mouth run away without my brain. Even when i m joking, I tends to overdoing it!

Now wat? Cry over spilt milk? This is childish! Ya i know wat shud i do! Admitting when we're wrong is not always easy, but it's the first step in repairing a broken relationship with others and with God.

Be honest and upfront with the person u hurt, regardless of whether the goof-up was intentional or accidental. 'Fess up and humbly ask for forgiveness. Reaffirm how much u value their friendship. Swallow any pride that might make u want to prove how right u were, and instead seek peace with the other person. Guess i got lots of this to do now!

To those i have hurt: Sorry for hurting all of u! If i ever done something awful to u, please accept my apologies..... I will try my best to change and will not do it again! Will ask God to help me with it. Thanks!

Ya it true, never give up! :)

My 1st pet!!!

2009-04-29T00:03:00.000+08:00

U know wat, guess u guys wouldn't believe me one!!! I had a pet and oso my 1st pet. Not the ordinary pet like dog or cat, it a Tortoise!!! COOL isn't it! I found it at the Friendship Park, where it was jus release by one of the family tat day. So i see him so kesian and hear tat it live more on land, a land type. So I though i can keep it and take good care of it!

Well u guys may wan to see it! but to tell u the truth, i have give it to another person to take care of it cos my aunt doesnt allow me to keep it! (T_T) So sad. So eventually i had to give it to a person who can really take good care of it. Haiz soooooo........... sad! Well at least i had good time wit it, i think last around 2 hrs bah! haha a 2 hrs pet!!! Well now it live healthy with the new owner! Bye bye "tuesday", will visit u when i m free!!!

This is my pet! I call it tuesday cos it was found on tuesday, plus i dont know whether it a male or female one!

Look at it, isn't it cute!!!

I hear it doesnt bite at all and it's 20+ years old, base on it size!

This is how big it looks! Jus playing around wit it!

So fun to play wit it!

Bully.........

Actually it quite light!!! Ah this is the last moment i spend time wit 'tuesday'!

In the park 2

2009-04-23T22:56:00.007+08:00

Today we went to friendship park again jus to have a walk, at the same time release our stress by feeding the fishes in the pond. After brought the fish food, we plan to change area this time to feed those fishes and guess wat, i manage to see a turtle near the bridge! Kinda surprise cos it quite rare to find one.

Well it kinda hard to feed it cos everytime i throw the food toward it, before the turtle can have a bite, all taken down by the fish! Haiyo need to be fast la, mr turtle!!

Here is the closer view. Isn't it cute! Hard to find it!

Ah wat a lovely sky! This pic is taken around 6 something.

Look at it! Looks like the sky is pink! After enjoy it, we head home around 6.45pm.

In the end, all of us stink like fish food again!

Tag chain - demanded by Yu Full!

2009-04-23T21:29:00.006+08:00

Upload your fave picture and answer the question below.

Why did you choose the photo?
- I always want to have a BIG eyes for myself! Cute right!

When was the last time you ate pizza?
- YESTERDAY, during lunch time! Oh man it was really good!

The last song you've listen too?
- Gotta Be Somebody - Nickelback.

What are you doing beside answering this tag?
- Wonder what photo shud I choose for this blog! Got too many photos in my hardisk, hard to decide!

Besides your own name, how do you like people to call you?
- Cool manly name like Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt or Beckham. Feel kinda weird if call my full name! Of coz NO "Barney" or Barnie"!!!! YUCK, so uncool!!!!

Tag 6 person, the following questions are related to them.
1) Jonathan Wong
2) Shellyn
3) Che Chung
4) Tonyong
5) Fidelia
6) Yan Hui

Who is number 1?
- A great pal of mine when I was in Sibu. He was the one who brought me back to church and impact my Christian life. A great mentor too!

No.3 has a relationship with?
- Everyone know this one!!!! Dont know, can go ask him or anyone from Bethany!

Say something about number 5.
- My group leader during my 1st camp in Kuching, which is the Salt and Light camp! She is great, why! She helps me inform Yan Hui to get a towel for me to shower when i forgot mine last Sat! Thanks a lot Delia!

How about number 4?
- She taught me how to use the Blog! Now u can see some of the new features in my blog, it all thanks to her!

Who is number 2?
- DUDE!!! haha! A great buddy to be with, who can turn the world upside down when she is high! Oh ya thanks a lot for always fetching me around Kuching! Good driving skill!

Say something to number 6.
- Thank u so much for lending me the towel! If it wasnt for u tat time, wonder how i gonna smell like during the whole ALPHA night! (Jus to tell u guy tat I dont really stink tat day! Jus happen to come back from my dance practice!)

In the park 1

2009-04-22T23:39:00.000+08:00

Today me and shell decided to study in a different environment. We just happen to be at Jalan Song around 1pm and we agree to give a try for this newly open Starbuck! Guess wat, it was really nice and ......expensive! Tat time there wasnt any people at all and it feel like this whole place belong to us!! But i do enjoy the atmosphere and the design. Shell is the one who really enjoy it more than i do! Here are some of the pictures i took and this is how it looks like from inside.

Nice design for the ceiling and lighting!

Well arrange, but kinda small.

Another angle. This is facing the methodish church! Nice view!

Ya, kinda small and narrow!

Like i say, she is the one who really enjoy it a lot!!!

This was taken after she finish enjoy the view! EMO gal!!!

Then me, shell and grace head home around 5pm from beth home. Then suddenly, out of the blue we agree to go to friendship park for a walk. Well instead of walking, we end up feeding the fish!!! haha end up smell like fish food!!!

Look at this cute little dog, is it adorable!!!

Sun set view......

nice one!!

What's at the center of my life?

2009-04-17T23:04:00.007+08:00

God or Unforgiveness?

My life might be revolving around unforgiveness if i......

-Pull the plug on friends when they hurt me, even if they apologize.
-Obsess over bad things that people have done to me.
-Avoid people I'm mad at.
-Feel intense anger about things in my past.
-Want people to pay for what they have done to me.
-Sometimes want to hurt myself to make the pain others have caused go away.
-Secretly want bad things to happen to certain people.
-Am afraid that if I forgive people, I'm saying that what they did to me was OK.
-Sometimes try to cover up the pain with food, watching movie, scold at others, etc.

It hard, Lord. I have done most of the points above, and still doing it. It really hard, help me Jesus. I am scare I will loose my good friends. Bitterness is like taking little doses of poison, over time it will steal my life away. God wants me to experience the freedom and peace of forgiveness. I still remember what Pastor Cheli preach about having war with the devil on Saturday Alpha night. Now we are in spiritual war right now. We shud go against the evil spirit, not fighting among brothers and sisters in Christ. This is wat the devil wan us to do! Help me Jesus!

This is the verse I shud meditated on: "Do not be bitter or angry or mad. Never shout angrily or say things to hurt others. Never do anything evil. Be kind and loving to each other, and forgive each other just as God forgave you in Christ" (Ephesians 4:31-32). It really hard for me cos Emo rules over me. I shud be strong in God, please pray for me to have a heart of forgiveness! Yes i shud always keep telling myself, never give up! God is with me!

People know you by your words

2009-04-13T23:20:00.002+08:00

Have u ever had words just pop out of ur mouth without consciously thinking about them? I do and it is very often! U know wat, it's so common. May be it's funny or a little embarrassing. Or may be u and I are ashamed because something hurtful or rude or colourful words came flying out of the mouth.

Haiz sad, isn't it. Let's picture the last time we had a fight with someone, anyone. How i wish i didn't do tat or how regret i am now! It brings back all my sad memories. How about u? Were u surprised to hear urself throwing out totally hateful things? Or are people around u constantly blessed by ur kind words? Do u find urself getting carried away with telling sick stories, ripping on people you don't like, or laughing about things tat dishonor God? Or are ur conversations examples of godliness? Many time i didn't realised it and i was so get use to it. Wonder how many people i had hurt them badly. It just cant help it.

As i read this verse from Matthew 12:35-36, Jesus taught tat the mouth is like an overflow valve for the heart. Whatever our heart's filled with spill out of our mouth when we least expect it. Just because we say something accidentally doesn't mean it's OK!!! We'll be held responsible for every careless words! Scary isnt it!

If u find ur mouth spouting inappropriate or wrong things, whether u are joking around, speaking in anger, or jus having an everyday conversation, check ur heart first. We might find some things in there tat need to change.

Ask God to reshape our heart. He will always help us when we ask, everyone shud know! Read James 3 for some awesome advice bout controlling the tongue. How do i know all this? I read it from the bible magazine. Remember wat Uncle Richard preach on one of the Sunday! About how powerful words can be! We can either curse others or even curse ourself.

There is a persistent battle going on for purity in my heart, which is same goes to everyone's heart, and tat battle often overflow into conversations. Avoid careless talk and choose to use words tat show a heart full of God's truth and love. Never give up!

Forgive me Lord...

2009-04-05T23:53:00.005+08:00

On the last Sunday, i was in a bad mood! I was overwhelmed by my anger and I did something without thinking. Shame and regret was all around me and I call upon the Lord for help. God talked to me through my dad's email! This is the verse and msg:

"Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing. (Isaiah 43:18-19)"

Do you know that God has more for you, no matter how discouraged you are seeing things around you right now? The enemy has been stealing what belongs to you all these while and have demoralized you from moving on into a new dimension of God's purposes and plan for your life. Never forget that it's God's desire to bless you all the time in this life -with joy and peace and prosperity and health.

Sadly, many of us are cheated into a mind -set of thinking with a very low self-esteem unfortunately. You mean to say the God of heaven and earth sacrificed his only son to die for you in vain? He took not only your sins! he took your sorrows! He took your pain! He took your sickness! He took your poverty! He took your curse! upon Himself and exchanged blessings and richness to your body soul and spirit.

Who is this God !!!who says, "despite all what you are, I still love you with an everlasting love, no matter what!?? You know what? Your best days are yet to be seen! Yes tat right! There is more ahead for u then behind u. But the question is, are you trusting God and hoping that God has destined a future ! a hope! that perhaps is not seen at the moment, yet you expect to see in His time. Paul says , in Rom 8:24-45.

We hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.You know whats the problem? We have been so deceived with the lie of the devil. Some of us refuse to move on because something has happened in the past that us thrown us into a negative pattern of mind set which has virtually paralyzed us. We cling to things of the past fearing to try again, fearing that we will never be able to make it again! The devil is a liar! Its absolutely never God's desire for you to live like that, never! never!

Watch out! the enemy is all out to manipulate your mind and make you think and blame your past to for your present and if you fall prey to him he will ruin your future. Listen! you cant go back and make things different. The simple reason is that you are not the person now, you were then!

Hey! Life is so precious! Unfortunately we have taken so much for granted and left valuable time to speed pass us and sadly we wake up one morning only to discover, we have lost so much! Yes we have missed so much! so much of God given precious time! by merely dwelling in our past disappointments and failures.

Listen! Are you lonely ! Are you sad! because you feel everything is lost. God wants you to know that the important thing about life is that, it is always possible to try again! to stat again! to love again! this time not believing in yourself but believing in God and His promises. Today is a new day to look forward to a new start, into a new dimension. Where do you want to go? Look higher ! Dream higher! Soar higher! You will only receive what you believe. If you think defeat you will be defeated forever! You think small you will be small forever!

It's time to throw away all the garbage that binds you to the past and aspire to move on and make the best of what is left over. Every moment is so precious! because we never will know how much time is left over! Face the challenge a new life! a new day! a new beginning! That's where God wants you man!!

You know what? I lost many things many times in my life. But in that "loss" God was working out His character in my life and He taught me how to value and appreciate His blessings upon my life. You bet your life, you are capable of restating and loving many times more because we are the manifestation of God's love!

Become passionate with God, he holds the keys to your future. God will do a new thing in your life if you allow Him. Never give up!

Hillsong Kids - Never Give Up

2009-04-04T00:45:00.000+08:00

The rain may be falling and lightning fills the sky
But the sun is rising
God is on my side
The wind may blow around me and thunder may go boom
The clouds are disappearing
Your light is shining through

[Chorus]
Never give up ‘cause He's always there
Never give up anytime, anywhere
Never give up ‘cause He's always there
Remember God is always by your side.

The Temptation!

2009-04-02T20:49:00.003+08:00

Matthew 4:1

Do u ever have the itch to do something sinful? When u experience temptation, how do u handle it? Doesn't it seem to lurk around every corner? Even when u manage to sidestep a particularly tough temptation, a new one rears its ugly head. Sometimes it's like the same one keeps coming up over and over again. It's a constant battle. Sad and tired, isn't it! I am the same as everybody, sometimes u just can't resist it and feel like wanna give it a try or do.

But do u know there is a hope! Jesus fought temptation and won. Satan ambushed Jesus when he was tired, hungry, and alone, but Jesus had a way to stand firm. He put his trust in God and relied on scripture to counteract Satan's lies. Wow way to go Jesus!!! Give Satan a taste of God's word!!!

While i was reading the bible, i finally realised something. Did u know tat God purposely allows temptation to happen? As u read the verse, it mention the Holy Spirit led Jesus into the desert in order to be tempted by Satan! Wow can u believe tat!!! It might sound crazy, but God uses temptation to help us grow. Talking about desert, it reminds me of tat saturday night at the Trinity Methodist Church, where the pastor from California preach the sermon about it. Seems like it really related to it. Wow pastor, i really like ur sermon!!! Cool man! Will talk about next time. Ya temptation, facing and overcoming sinful desires tests ur commitment and brings u closer to God. By resisting the urge to sin, u prove tat God's Spirit is alive in u.

Don't try to fight temptation on ur own, and remember tat u are never alone. It might sound weird but take a huge tip from Jesus, know God's word and live by it. Rely on God's power to beat the pull of sin. Remember guys, He always provides a way out - 1 Corinthians 10:13. So the next time u are tempted, thank God for giving u yet another chance to experience his power and goodness, and choose to follow him. Never give up!!

God bless!

Gotta Be Somebody - Nickelback

2009-03-30T12:31:00.001+08:00

This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling
The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my own breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
'Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right, it's just like déjà vu
Me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my own breath, could this be the end
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
'Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

You can't give up, looking for a diamond in the rough
You never know, when it shows up, make sure you're holding on
'Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on
'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me, ohhh

Nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

I like this song! I think this is a good song! What do u all think?

God Bless!

The Power of Faith

2009-03-27T01:08:00.005+08:00

Matthew 21:21-22

You may be thinking, So let me get this straight. If I believe, I'll get anything I ask for in prayer?! Wow, that's quite a deal.

It is quite a deal, but it's not quite the deal many people think... It's actually better.

Some people think that anything includes any old desire, whether it's for more money or a quick fix to a problem or a life free of trouble. That kind of view leads straight to disappointment with God because God isn't about being a heavenly Santa Claus who fills our list of requests, and that's actually a really awesome thing.

God knows and wants what's best for us. He wants us to experience the joy of salvation and a close relationship with him. Sometimes that means not giving us what we think we want because he has something better in store that will bring us closer to him. He wants us to take part in his work. When we ask him for anything that will bring him glory and spread his love, he will definitely provide those things. The key is being totally dedicated to him; when we are, our requests will have his interests at heart. Never give up!

God Bless!

You will not be in the same situation forever

2009-03-19T22:17:00.004+08:00

"I am about to do a brand new thing. See, I have already begun!" (Isaiah 43:19)

When God wants to breakthrough for you! when God want's to bless you! just forget about whatever hindrances that are before you and simply keep walking into your new season of blessing. When your Khiros has arrived nobody can snatch it away from you. When your appointed season is at hand the enemy cannot touch you.

You know wat? Whatever u may say, let me point out to u tat it was purely GRACE tat enabled u to make it this far! If u are afraid of the future you need to do a postmortem of ur past. How did He carry u faithfully through the many incredible storms in ur life, tat u felt sometimes tat u were not goin to make it through and yet He did not forsake u nor fail you!

Are u exhausted and tired of waiting. U say i have waited so long, God is not listening. Heaven seems to have shut the door for me! When will God move? I am terribly discouraged and disappointed! U know wat? God is indeed listening but He has got a greater plan for u. So often we miss the significance of His plan because we are so focused on our problem. When God's appointed time is right for u God will suddenly move heaven and earth for u. "I am about to do a brand new thing............... see I have already begun."

I don't know if u had realized tat ur miracle for a breakthrough is at ur door step. God is getting ready to open some doors tat have been closed too long! "I am about to do a brand new thing." He is going to release an anointing tat will break every yoke tat has held you back from moving forward for so long. Maybe it's a relationship! Perhaps it's ur study or ur business! a healing! or a new approach to an old problem! So, are u ready to move with Him?

Focusing always on God first then through God looking at your problems. Then, keep expecting and claiming great things from the Lord. When u live your life is such axcitement! U bet ur life a new season will suddenly be born for u! Amen.

The message above was given by my dad, when i was about to go back to kuching and go for the interview tat day. This was originally written by Pastor Jai, from Full Gospel Outreach Ministry, KL. Sound wonderful and easy, isn't it! Never would i thought this is a message from God. I always doubt tat God never talk to me. Now I have finally see it! Do u know, this situation wasn't the first time happen to me! Similar case happen when i was in Form 5. I didn't get a 50 in my Form 4 average mark, so tat mean i have to stay. So my mom went and write an appeal letter and sent it to the education department, but it was rejected. In the end, my dad seek help from this Eng teacher, who happened to be my dad's classmates long time ago and quite close to the principle of my school.

After a whole months time, I was finally accepted and move on to Form 5. Exactly the same case as this time. Janna and Rebecca, both of them have help me with the 2nd appeal letter and teach me how to answer during the second interview! Through all these complicated process, I finally able to study again this semester and stay in Kuching! Can u believe this? Its like history repeat itself, or should i say i repeat the same mistakes again! Guess i really need to go through a hard time to learn. At the same time, God wan me to come back to Him and depend on Him. All this while i was busy, keep on depending on my own strength. It was indeed God's Grace tat make me stand here today! Thank you Lord!!! Hopefully i would not repeat this mistake again, or else i hav to go through these situation again. I will work hard and give Him back the Glory.

"Matthew 21:22 If u believe, u will receive whatever u ask for in prayer. God surely bless d faithful one and tat is u. Never guive up", this was the msg sent by Aunty Mee Tin when i m still down. Thanks Aunty Mee Tin, u really support me a lot! "1 Samuel 12:24 But be sure to fear the Lord & serve Him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for u." Janna msg me after I tell her my good news. Ya it may sound scary but it true, i should be serious and grateful for what He had done for me. Thank you Janna, and u too, Rebecca! Love u both!

Lastly i wan to say thanks for those who support, encourage, and help me when i am sad and moody. Thank you! And ya, forgive me for showing my fake smile and sad face, spoil the atmosphere and making all of u worry! I will improve and be a better man!!! Yeah! \(^o^)/

Yup, God is good, God is caring & God is in control! Never give up! Amen.

Why is this happen to me...

2009-03-06T12:58:00.000+08:00

Today is the day i get my answer...... an answer tat I dont wan to hear and know...... I pray so hard to ask God to give me the answer i wan, but eventually it didnt...... Really feel sad and hurt..... I was force to take a semester break, in other words i was banned to take up any subject this semester, which is my current uni, Swinburne.

Why it had to be like this? Why can't i get to enroll any subject? A semester break, meaning four months without studying.... It really hit hard on me when I hear it when I went for an interview on Feb 18. Why did the Review Panel gave me this decision? Didnt i learn my lesson already? Didnt i jus came back from my 3 months semester break? Why did they still wan me to take another long break? Is it my reason wasnt good enough to prove that i m seriously wanna change to be better? Is it so bad to give a person another chance?

I was so depress and worry the last few days, I have try to put on my smiling face, the usual face to appear infront of all my frens. I dont wan to let my frens to feel sorry for me. I dont wan them to worry about me. I jus wan to be normal toward them, instead of pouring out all my failure.... But in the end, i jus cant hide from them. Guess they know me very well, cant help but to tell some of them. They are all kind towards me and i really appreciated it. It make me feel a lot better and i manage to loss some of the weight. Thank you guys, all of u are the best.

Still i cant stop worrying, why God? I know everything, i had most of the knowledge. I know how to deal with these situation, but still i feel so bad. I know i had fail my subject 3 times and get an exclusion from the uni. Yes it is really my fault for not taking the last chance and put in my best. Sorry God i have been disobdient toward u. I have ruin the last chance u had gave me. Guess i deserve it, yes this is my punishment i deserve it for not taken it seriously. Now i m really lost, dont know wat to do next.

I cant believe this is so REAL. It was hard to breath now.... I jus feel so tire, and yet i cant seems to rest well at night. I always look down ont those who had the same situation with me, always thought how come they are so stupid. Now i know how do they feel! I always bet on my study and my exam, never really lift up my hand and do it......

I have write another appeal letter. Wasnt it good enough to prove how serious i m right now? I have ask Janna and Rebecca to help me. I have do what Aunty Mei had told me to. Lord, help me! I m a man with small faith. I tends to depend too much on my own strength..... Sorry Lord!
I really dont know how to face my parent and relatives now, even to those who have pray so hard to me. I really feel like i owe them a lot.... Now, right now, i feel hopeless. I have loss all my emotion, feeling, my faith..... What shall i do? All i know now is to complain....... Pathetic!

I need to know what direction i shud go now. What should i do now? Change uni? Work? I jus wanna complete my degree and get over it as soon as possible. Haiz seems like i was haunted by my mistakes i made.

I really need to think positively, look at the bright side. Jus only 4 months, is not tat long. I can still continue to study after that. The punishment wasnt tat bad, compare to those who need to stop for 1 whole year. Mine consider minor. I should thanks God for this, isnt it, Shellyn told me tat. Actually it wasnt so bad to work for a while to gain some experience, che chung told me. U shouldn't give up jus because of my mistake and this is wat the devil wan to to think, Aunty Mei told me. I believe God will make a way for u and jus leave it all to God, Pei Sing msg me. Well jus move on and pray about it and leave it to God as He know what is best for me; do ur part and leave the decision to Him, said Janna and Rebecca. God is good, God cares, and God is in control, Shellyn text me. Everyone made mistake, and u r not the only one who go through it; take it as a lesson and improve it urself through tat; move on and never give up, say Aunty Mei and Aunty Mee Tin.

Do not worry. Rejoice and praise God even in this 'minor' setback. Just do it. In this way, you have strength and victory over circumstances, said my parent. Yes, my heavenly Father will help u, stop worrying and trust in Him, Amanda text me."... dares to challenge his players to believe God for the impossible on and off the field. When faced with unbelievable odds, the Eagles must step up to their greatest test of strength and courage.With God, all things are possible!", from the movie, Facing the Giants.

Yes indeed, God had be nice to me. When i was form 4, i almost didnt made to form 5 due to my average mark. With God's grace, I have the chance to finish and graduate with all my classmates. I sat for my CAT, an accounting diploma, UK certificate. It was really hard tat time cos it was very hard and the marking is strict. With God's grace, i have made it. Look at all these miracles, my faith in God should have been better. Why this time He jus cant do like wat He did last time? I m still praying and seeking for hope, strength, answers........

How is it begin....

2009-02-18T19:09:00.000+08:00

Yoh, guess wat, this will be my 2nd post for my blog. Awesome dude.... well jus for fun and wanna try how is it goes. It was launch on 18 Jan 2009, 8.30pm at Bethany home. First, it was suggested by pei sing, well jus say i ask her for help. A new leaf, tat wat she say. Hmm...... sound cool, isnt it! It like this; I change a lot ever since i join Bethany, tat wat she told me. She also added tat i was a weird person when the 1st time she saw me,, i guess tat same goes to others bah, I hope not. (T_T)
Well tat was last time, long time ago, super ancient.... Though i admit it kinda sound true to me. Even i kinda find hard to believe..... Helllloooooooo, I m normal, daaa....... hehe. indeed i do change, well spiritually, i think. Well tat how it was began, guess i have to start working wit it, though my eng grammar is kinda poor, well poor.....

Yahoooooo.........

2009-01-18T20:36:00.000+08:00

Yes, i successfully created my 1st even own blog. Cool right. Can't hardly wait to fill up the whole page, well if i can and have the time. Ok blog, here i go.....